It Blesses My Heart To Love; It Blesses My Soul To Give; It Blesses My Everything To Care About Others & Being Needed Gives My Life Purpose.
I learned the hard way that my love, my giving, my caringness and my need to be needed was hindering certain People and getting in the way of God’s plan for their lives. I became their god and my God held my blessings up to keep me from hindering them.
God wanted a chance to show them how much he loved them if only they would trust in Him.
Wanting to be loved started as a child for me. There was never enough love in my days, my nights, my life. Love sometimes felt like riches hanging from the tallest tree. I could never reach it and it never fall down so I could have, love was never easy. I’ve always wanted to be loved… the love I saw with others, I never experienced. I was made to feel that, wanting to be loved was unrealistic, childish or whorish and they try to comfort me with “when the right one comes-I’ll know it”.
I gave myself to men in my search to be loved. I gave my heart and poured out my soul to people to be loved. I lowered my standards and put my spirit aside to be loved. Wanting to be loved was like being hungry all the time. What’s wrong with wanting to be loved and cared for, for once in my life? What’s wrong with needing to be loved and making love a reason to live? What’s wrong with wanting love, to love me, for me? What’s wrong with wanting to live the melody of a love song? What’s wrong with wanting the fairytale or a happy ever after I still find myself wanting and needing to be loved?
The only difference is, I find the love I need in Christ Jesus No one loves me like the Lord and man’s love can’t compare.
Poetry Girl Scout Cookies (by Ms Doggett)
He walks through the door and says “Honey I’m home” as if I’m not standing here looking at him. He turns to put his coat on the rack by the door. I sweetly said, “Glad your home honey, Shelia called”. His coat and shoes must have weighed a ton because he didn’t move an inch and I wasn’t sure he was still breathing. Like the news-paper funny pages, I could see that little white balloon above his head filled with the words “damn, damn, damn, no -she- didn’t”.
He turn to speak but I cut him off and said don’t worry about, we’ll talk later and I left him standing there and headed to the kitchen and fixed his plate. The tension at the dinner table… you could cut it with a chainsaw. We got ready for bed, room filled with guilty silence, regret and no eye contact. He reaches for me and says “I’m sorry” and I said “Sorry for what”. He said that he only slept with her once and I looked at him and said, “She called to see if you still wanted her Girl Scout Cookies”. Well, I guess you do.
I found out that God is a jealous God wanted me to know that there is no other more powerful and loving than He. He wanted me to love Him and trust almost as much as the love He has for me. He wants a chance to show me His love, a chance to show me that He would never leave me nor forsake me; that the doors He closed no one could open and doors He opened, no one could close. He let me know that He was God all by Himself and He didn’t need my help. God loved me enough to show me His heart. I learn to cast down every thought that exhaust itself against the word of God and His promises for my life. I laid every doubt at His feet and left it there. And I took a lot of deep breaths, blowing my caring upon waters that I could not see. I forgave myself. I finally chose to trust God with His plan for my life and heart. I tried hard not to lean on my own understanding and get out of the way of what God is doing. I started applying his word to my emotions, fears and worry because he said if I abide in Him and His word abided in me, anything I ask, this He would do if it was His will. On my rough days, I prayed in moaning because I had no words, God knew my heart and heard my cry and I waited for a change to come. After 40 years, God let me out the wilderness and answered my prayers. He said “Yes” to me. But He allows me to visit the wilderness to save soul for His Glory and touch heart with His love.