Wisdom Notes-27

I CAN FEEL THE WINDS IN MY LIFE ABOUT TO CHANGE. I CAN FEEL THE FLOORS BENEATH MY FEET ABOUT TO SHIFT IN ANOTHER DIRECTION.

All I do is breathe, pray, stand strong in my faith and try to remember that all things happen for a reason and there’s a lessen in every storm. Knowing this, doesn’t make it easy. Storms are not always easy to bear.

Silent Interest

Silent Interest: It’s a moment that strikes the heart like a soft touch to the skin; a blink of an eye. Example: When you and your mate are walking down the street and you run into a friend of yours and you introduce your mate to that friend. It’s that moment of silent interest in their hearts that connect for a half of a second during the handshake or eye contact that last a half of a second too long. Their spirit connects. Example: When you’re in an interracial relationship and you’re out with your mate and for a moment you find your mate eye to eye with a woman of his own nationality or race. They were born of the same. They connected in an instant, in a way that you will never connect or understand. No amount of love can make that connection. It’s the moment that everyone pretends it didn’t happen. It’s the moment of truth from the soul. You may have your mate’s heart but not your mate’s soul.

From My Heart: It take wisdom to ID this moment in mid-air. It sounds like your Holy Spirit is warning you to prepare or make a decision. You really don’t see it until the moment has passed or it’s too late. The bible says that the eyes of a man are never satisfied as hell is never full. Keep brushing it off, it will come back to hurt you.

Pregnancy Test

Pregnancy Test:The first response to a pregnancy test is usually the most honest one, which is the same response when the condom breaks: Damn, S…, F…., etc…. It uncovers the true intent or negative feelings of a heart. At that moment, everything becomes a mistake and the hurt begins and a child’s life is altered before he/she is born.

The negative reaction in a moment of regret: Is it mine; how did this happen; Oh well; Are you sure; What are you going to do; Maybe it’s a false alarm; I can’t afford another child; It only happen one time; Did you do this on purpose; I thought you were on birth control; I thought you couldn’t have any kids; I’m not ready for a child; what will my family say; how will this affect my life; how will I be able to finish my educations; what will people think of me; I had plans for my future; not what; what if I’m infected with HIV or Aids as well as having a baby; I can’t be on lock down; I need my freedom; I’ll pay for an abortion if that’s what you want; damn I got to get a job or two jobs; how am I going to take care of a child and I can’t even take care of myself.

From My Heart: Sex and the consequences: you can’t change things back to the way they were; You can’t undone what’s been done; you can’t fix it or hide it under the rug. Finding out your pregnant should be a happy moment shared by two people that love each other and willing to make the commit and share that responsibility.

Peace

Peace is not a moment of quietness. It is not a moment of contentment. It is not a place you run too to get rest. It’s not the kids being gone all day or sleep all night. Peace is not having everything you want and need at your finger tips. It’s not the moment a hard day ends and a bottle of wine begins. It’s not the moment of a hot bath or long shower. It’s not about being comfortable or being along.

From My Heart: Peace is something that happens within your soul. It’s like: when you look at the roaring sea but beneath the surface of the violent waters, the waters are still. Everything going wrong in your life but in your mind there is peace with prayer in your heart. Peace is something that only God can give to your soul and your life. It’s not the world’s peace, its spiritual peace. God’s peace is like a baby that falls asleep in your arms because they fell loved and safe. When there is no one to hold you and no one to say that it’s gonna be ok, God reminds you that He will never leave you nor forsake you and breathe. It’s like you being in the middle of a burning building and an Angel comes and picks you up and covers you with His wings so that you can breathe and he carries you out without a burn or scar; or like being in a terrible accident and you and yours are not harmed in anyway but the car is totaled and you know it was God protecting you; like when you’re filthy, lost, worn out, worn down, torn apart, infected, rejected, cast out, pushed aside, laughed at, talked about and God comes and puts his arms around you and cleans you up, clean you out, heals you and wash you whiter than snow and gives you a purpose for living.

Need

Poetry

I only needed you to help me get from point A to point B. Things happen in life that cannot be controlled, storms comes and things change. When I said that I needed you, I didn’t mean that you would be my source of living for life. You treated me as if I was a beggar, a user… less than a woman because I needed you. Isn’t a woman suppose to need a man and be able to depend on him. I didn’t ask anything of you that I wouldn’t have done a thousand times for you. And you know this with all your heart and soul.

Did I not give to you from the little that I had when I needed, you did not give? Did I not care for you still when you cared for me not? Knowing you could helped and you didn’t raise a finger to save me, I saved you.

Now, that I’m on my feet and doing well, you want to be back in my life again I-Don’t-Think-So

Impatient

An impatient person need things to happen fast; Never enough time; Short sighted-never considering the outcome or other; a rush to be pleased or be satisfied as if the chance will never come again; anxiety feelings teasing the mind with what if’s, so they have to re-act right now, have it right now, do it right now, know it right now, see it right now, hear it right now, feel it right now. Your needs and wants are the only thing that matters in that moment…there is no peace in being impatient.

From My Heart: Impatient people have to realize that, some things take time and if you lose it, it was never yours. You can’t make some things happen as fast as you would like. Maybe you rush things because you need it to happen in order to believe that it’s real. You can’t rush things, especially when it involves other people lives. You have to learn to respect the slowness of others, the time frame of others and the mind of others. Being impatient is rude and selfish on your part. Everything is not just about you.

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Poetry

With Me, when you’re impatient with me I can’t find the right things to say I can’t think clearly to prove my point. When you’re impatient with me It hurts my heart and makes me sad It makes me feel like I let you down. When you’re impatient with me I try harder but I only end up making more mistakes

I’m confused and frustrated with you and myself when you’re impatient with me. It means you don’t believe in me and not believing in me, makes it impossible for me to believe in myself. When you’re impatient with me I don’t feel your love. My self-worth is worthless when you’re impatient with me.

When you’re impatient with me, you’re being impatient with us

Watching You

Poetry

As I watch you, walk around the house, I feel your secrets, weighing heavy on your heart, drowning your spirit and creating distance between us and I have done nothing wrong. I love you day in and day out, searching my own heart to find the right words to give you comfort enough to speak, while praying for comfort to embrace me when the truth hits my soul like a ton of bricks.

We talk as if nothing has happen; we touch from habit; we are polite to each other like we were taught to do. We respect each other’s space and fit to each other like hand to a glove. I watch you constantly try to hide that secret and the harder you try to protect that secret, the less strength you use to protect what we have.

You forget that I’ve been with you long enough to know when or if there is a change in your touch, your kiss, the way you walk, how you sleep and how you make love to me. I know, and yet I don’t know. Honesty is love. Which will matter the most? Love in honesty and truth or the grounds of stability and fruitfulness.

I wish that I could promise that I won’t leave you, if you choose to be honest with me. I can’t promise you that I’ll stay and live as I have forgiven and forgotten. But I can promise you that the truth is always better than a festering lie.