The Pain I Brought On Myself

I’ve been everything and more because I wanted to be loved. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to handle this life on my own. I put my body, mind, soul and heart in the hands of fools over and over again. I don’t know what you believe in but I dealt with being alone by getting lost in Christ. God loves me pass everything I am, everything I’m not. He loves me pass my short-comings, faults, mistakes, stupidness, selfishness and foolishness. He forgave me and He showed me how to forgive… forgiving those that hurt me deeply, set me free of a lot of things. He showed me that He would never leave me alone and in that, He took the loneliness away.

I still feel alone at times, a lot of the times, but the deep depression of loneliness isn’t there tormenting my mind and soul every moment of the day. I miss the touch of someone but every day my body forgets the memory of it. Every touch, every love, everybody I let in my life has hurt me in some way or another, so there is no good memory that doesn’t have a bad memory attached to it.

I know that no one will ever love me as God does. He showed me that love is sacrifice…he sacrificed for me because He loves me. Most, don’t know the depth of His love, so that won’t understand you if you allow Him to comfort your heart with His amazing love. God’s love is safe, solid, secure, enduring, honest, faithful, merciful, considerate, and compassionate but it won’t be easy. Love is sacrifice: sacrificing self for the sake of others. When someone loves you, they sacrifice themselves for you too.

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