Mom

Moma, I Miss You Mom would make us go to church. I didn’t understand and I didn’t know why, I just remember Mom sitting in church and crying…. tears constantly running down her face. Through her beautiful smile, her deep dimples peering her jaws, I saw so much pain in her eyes and pain written all over her face. My mother’s eyes are

My mother’s eyes are reason that I don’t look into my own eyes… the pain is the same. Sorrow embedded in our souls. I miss Mom’s touch, her laughter. I miss her stoking my hair as she combed it; sleeping at the bottom of her bed curved about her feet; the way she cared for me with so much love when I was sick. I miss her calling me from across the world when she felt something was wrong. I miss her being in the world, being somewhere but never too far away.

I miss my Mom just being Mom. One mother, per life time… if I had only known… I’d treated her like a Queen. Oh, how I wish that I could reach back in my past and her wipe away your tears and hold her in my arms once more. I wish that I had the chance to appreciate her mercy, sacrifices and forgiveness. I wish that my youth had not blinded me; I wish I had known how much she needed me. I spent most of my adult life trying to keep from saying those words that hunted her “I wish I would have.” I’ve cried her tears days, nights, years… My dreams — Faded. My hopes–Weary. My heart —Scared. My needs—Unfulfilled. Mom my children need you so much. I’m tired. My way is dark but my hands are in God’s hands.

It’s hard to show my children God’s love and how God work things out when things are constantly falling apart. Somehow Mom they still believe. I wish I had been there for you like your love was always there for me. You’re gone and I have so many regrets, things I can’t undo and so many words I can’t unsay. When I was child and felt misunderstood, I said that wished you were died… I’m sorry for my foolish ways, a childish mind and a naive heart. I end my letter as you’ve always ended yours to me. Please overlook my mistakes. I’m a work in progress.

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