I found out that God is a jealous God wanted me to know that there is no other more powerful and loving than He. He wanted me to love Him and trust almost as much as the love He has for me. He wants a chance to show me His love, a chance to show me that He would never leave me nor forsake me; that the doors He closed no one could open and doors He opened, no one could close. He let me know that He was God all by Himself and He didn’t need my help. God loved me enough to show me His heart. I learn to cast down every thought that exhaust itself against the word of God and His promises for my life. I laid every doubt at His feet and left it there. And I took a lot of deep breaths, blowing my caring upon waters that I could not see. I forgave myself. I finally chose to trust God with His plan for my life and heart. I tried hard not to lean on my own understanding and get out of the way of what God is doing. I started applying his word to my emotions, fears and worry because he said if I abide in Him and His word abided in me, anything I ask, this He would do if it was His will. On my rough days, I prayed in moaning because I had no words, God knew my heart and heard my cry and I waited for a change to come. After 40 years, God let me out the wilderness and answered my prayers. He said “Yes” to me. But He allows me to visit the wilderness to save soul for His Glory and touch heart with His love.